December 6, 2022

Becky, part of our Step Forward into Volunteering and Employment Project, discusses the idea that we wear ‘masks’ to hide our emotions, and the benefits of just being the real you:

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We’ve had some interesting discussions at work recently. The latest one was all about being your authentic self.

This got me thinking, particularly about the masks we wear every day to avoid being really “seen”.

 

Why do we wear these masks?

Is it that idea of perception?

Where we want people to perceive we’re doing well, that we’re capable, that we’re not struggling in any way. We want to appear a certain way, confident, to present a happy image to show the world (whether personally or professionally) that notion of “we’ve got this, we know what we’re talking about/doing” or that we’ve got no problems.

The list could go on and on!

I don’t know if it’s just me who notices this, but although we’re making good headway in being more open in a genuine and authentic way, it does seem that we still focus on sharing the good news stories, the things that appear to be going well in our lives.

We tend to hide behind something else when we’re struggling.

 

For example…

How many people would tell someone else they are struggling, whether physically, mentally or emotionally? If they were having problems at home or work? How many people would even share that with a colleague, friend or relative?

In comparison, how many would share if something has gone well recently?

It’s an interesting one to think about, because I believe it’s that feeling of vulnerability, that risk of what others will think, stopping us from sharing anything we see as negative.

But like lots of things, we’re usually our own worst enemy when it comes to how we perceive ourselves. Could there be some positives in sharing the not so good times, that “ah ha” moment, a weight off your shoulders in just talking about things for the sake of your own mental and emotional well-being?

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” Maya Angelou.

But taking that mask off and getting to that point can feel terrifying in itself – that fear creeping in, that feeling of imposter syndrome.

You’ll likely question yourself over and over: “People don’t want to hear the bad time, people might judge me for my thoughts or feelings, people will think differently of me, people won’t give me the opportunities…” and loads more!

“Be yourself – Everyone else is already taken” Oscar Wilde

• But can we change how we view ourselves?
• Does the idea of perception change as we get older?
• Do we become more comfortable in our own skin and feel less of a need to put on a mask?

On a personal level I do believe it changes as we get older.

Nearing 40 (that feels scary!) I feel much more comfortable and confident in being true to me much more than I did in my 20s!

And this is something I’ve shared with others before, but I’m someone who wears my heart on my sleeve.

This was something I used to always feel ashamed of when it happened, showing my emotions, good or bad, particularly in a work environment. I was worried I’d be perceived differently, and that people would see me less capable somehow than others around me.

So, I worked hard to mask that at work.

I didn’t want people to think I couldn’t contribute or add value in projects/conversations. I’d put on a smile and have an air of confidence, trying to take the emotion out of things, but this was actually really mentally draining as it just wasn’t me and what I’m about.

And ultimately it didn’t work, the mask sometimes slipped, and I felt worse.

But it’s only as I’ve got older that I’ve learnt to accept, change and adapt my own perceptions. After all, we’re only human and our vulnerabilities are key to who we are as a person and how we work, connect and build relationships to make an impact on ourselves and those around us, whether at home, work or even in our local communities.

So, letting that mask slip, letting your guard down, is not always a bad thing because people connect with people.

Because personal stories, personal experiences, can become shared stories and shared experiences. Supporting each other along the way.

 

Why should you take off your mask?

You just need to be you, don’t hide who you really are and become your own worst enemy. There is only one of you and you are your greatest asset. You’re the driver in demonstrating your true self and your true potential.

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” Maya Angelou

Help stop the burnout – shying away or hiding away who you truly are can be draining. It takes a lot of extra work to present an image of one thing and actually feel another way. You’ll do so much more for yourself and those around you by not hiding away.

“Nothing will work unless you do.” Maya Angelou

 

Challenge yourself:

Actively exploring and being open about the mask you wear may feel challenging or uncomfortable. So here goes, a bit of an idea for you – put some time aside and get doodling.
Think about the mask you wear and question…

– Why are you wearing it?
– What do you think will happen if you start to take it off?

What would you say to a friend, colleague or relative if they were struggling with this notion of perception? I bet it’s a positive message – Look at the answer you write down and question – why would I not apply that to myself?

 

Take it further…

Push yourself out your comfort zone further and don’t be afraid to ask those around you their perception of you.

Because opening up that dialogue in an honest, open and caring way, can start to take away some of that fear and that idea people think less of you will slowly start to fade.

 

Final thoughts

As you head into a new day, try taking off that mask and just be your true self.

You are enough. You are more than enough.

Why?

Because you are you.

“True belonging doesn’t require that we change who we are; it requires that we be who we are.” Brené Brown